Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
