your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
