escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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