It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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