it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
