Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
