im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
