When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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