you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
