Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
