so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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