I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
