i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
