Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
