so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We left an ass print on the piano.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
