So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
