Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
