Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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