My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
