are you still at the devil's house?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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