I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
