I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
