I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
