U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
