just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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