You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
