Don't you send me to vm
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
