I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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