oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
