Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
