So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
