It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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