We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
