Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
