Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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