I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
