I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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