Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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