Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize