Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
