Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
