I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
