Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
