if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
