So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
