NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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