So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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