Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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