found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
