I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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