I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
