Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
