Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
