I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
