sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wear drunk well.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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