I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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