Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
