I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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