On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
