Little spoons don't ask big questions
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
