I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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