Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
