Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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