I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
