Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
