I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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