VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
