can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
