holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
