Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
