There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
