I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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