you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
