On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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