Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so let's talk penis.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize