I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
even my farts smell like vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
