New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think people are normalizing furries
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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