Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
