When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
