Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
